@ManchuCandidate: Don't give up - this was just a beta test! You can work out the kinks!!

"It's like saying a terminal-ward patient might feel better about himself if someone bought him a big red balloon."

Not that anyone really cares about Cincy, but it is spelled Cincinnati - not Cincinatti.

Plus my goddamned nanny had the nerve to fill up 40% of my DVR with this shit so the kids can watch it back to back.

Swoon-y Brady pics? McKelvin saying he'd cough it up it again? Bear videos? Is Choire shadow-editing today?

My child will be raised solely by the brain droppings of Jim Henson.

@starksgotejected: What, Merrillville isn't telling people they're from Chicago anymore?

"Many are still wearing sweatshirts bearing the name of the small town in Indiana in which they were born, and in which they will die."

@TT-Zop: Pale King is going to press, unfinished. Even in suicide, DFW couldn't do anything without being circuitous.

@ClintonPortishead: Employed?

You know, the post is exponentially more funny if you imagine it being read aloud by a drunken Charles Nelson Reilly.

Get ready for more bear videos than you can shake a stick at.

@HockeyMountain: WATCH OUT FOR BASEMENTS!

@MarkKelsosMigraine: "That must have been the same issue where I was told that Jack White is the greatest artist of his generation"

@Gravy: Inspired. At 7am, even.

Commence bitching.

@Shoemaster: I think it's real, because I still believe the world is still a magical place.

@Steve U: By Aiur, they will crush the Zerg.

@Occam's Racer: You've gotta be shibbolething me.

You know, what healthy couple hasn't sued each other?