I use the “I’ll time you trick” on my daughters all the time. Children are such adorable, glorious little morons.

Your sarcasm kept my snarkism buoyant this morning, and SeventhReign your pragmatism steeled my belief that engineers are the Illuminati’s secret anti-comedy agents.

that’s just your typical american teen, sir.

Hannah deleted the tweets because she believes the relationship is capable of being saved, primarily because Klay is quite amenable to molding.

YOU HAVE THE INTERNET. WHY ARE YOU NOT LIKE I DON’T KNOW GOOGLING THIS FUCKING SHIT?

Yeah but if I get a parasite or tape worm and drink laxative tea I can eat all I want and live the best life. And I don't look clammy, that's called a glow.

No, it sounds more like the “coach’s son” was acting like an entitled asshole that doesn’t feel like the rules apply to them, and has no respect for refs (probably after hearing his dad bitch about them, and at them most of his life). As a football player it’s your job to avoid the refs.

Yikes, you think people should go buy and then learn to apply body makeup before taking sexy photos and videos with their partner because it’s unacceptable to see some stretch marks? That’s absurd. The majority of women have stretch marks from puberty. They’re not gross or shameful. Sitting around spackling your on…

Can I hijack this and talk about the “phenomenon” of people who miss calls, then call the number back and start with “Uh yea, I just missed a call from this number?”. No name given. Total shit attitude. And oblivious to the fact that they are calling back a business (despite a lovely and professional greeting).

One source said the procedure Pierre-Paul had done Sept. 4 to “close up” his middle finger was still fresh when he met with team doctors on Sept. 7.

No. They are not decent looking shoes. For an ANY-year old.

Guns policemen are safe enough, the real issue here is bad profiling and lack of good training in the police force. I agree 100% with you that this solution is stupid, specially since it encourages officers to use their firearms when deadly force may not be necessary (and they are equipped with tasers, batons and…

You win. We’re done here.

unfortunately

I want that trophy more than I have every wanted anything in my life.

I ordered a custom trophy for my little brother that said “World’s Gayest Baby” on it. He was 15 years old.

Draw me like one of your French girls.

My wife is totally going to fall back in love with me when I steal this idea and shamelessly pass it off as something I came up with.

Can you imagine the nuclear-level shitfit some conservatives would have if a liberal clerk refused to issue someone a gun licence because they didn’t like firearms? They’d be furious, and you know, rightly so. People have a right to expect public officials to follow the law, even if they don’t agree with it. If you…

One of my ex-girlfriends caught chlamydia from sharing a beer with some guy at a Dead show in 1991. Health department inspections were a joke back then: It happened again at three other concerts!