Would you get fired for demanding that a customer take a moment to use Google? Like “No sir, if you’re allergic to all nuts, you’re also allergic to the peanut butter pie. Please Google it. I’ll wait. Uh huh. Go ahead. What’s it say? Peanut butter is made from peanuts, huh? And even though the word ‘peanut’ has the…

this makes me sad because what I see there is a mug of chinos.

When I used to work at a grocery store, the register rang up Land O’Lakes Buttermilk as “LOL BUTT MILK” which is only tangentially related to this but I found it 10000% hilarious.

My bf’s sister spent some time in Hong Kong with her then-boyfriend, who was kosher. Whenever he ordered anything without pork, they assumed he was Muslim and would not bring him alcohol. He learned to order vegetarian instead, so they would assume he was Buddhist and bring him all the alcohol he wanted.

I’m going to invent an illness - alexia - the inability to learn new words. Every new word is just a misread old word. The same people use Mozzarella Foxfire as their web browser.

I had a fishing guide (on the Strait of Juan de Fuca, connected to the Pacific Ocean) tell me about being asked “how far are we above sea level?”

Its just a little slimy! Its still good!

Honestly: why bother smacking the book out of their hands?

EVERY. THING. This BCO... THIS BCO, it... has EVERY. THING.

This sums up my experiences trying to keep semi-kosher in Asia, particularly in Japan.

i want to collect all of these sorts of questions into a book. starting with “what time is the 3 o’clock parade” from disney.

I was dating this girl a few years back that was the pickiest eater on planet earth. Every order was an excruciating experience filled with crazy questions and requests. She simply refused to order anything as it was stated on menu. One day we somehow wind up at one of the new gourmet burger joints. She proceeds to…

And while we’re on the subject, never forget... YOU DON’T MAKE FRIENDS WITH SALAD!

I work in a national park, and I get asked on a daily basis if the postcards/magnets/prints of the park with snow are photoshopped.

If meat is murder, milk is theft (and possibly sexual assault).

My wife loves a good potato latte while I enjoy my cup of chinos.

And for my salad, I'll have a bowl of croutons.

“SHE POURED POISON IN MY DRINK! I SAW HER DO IT! I CAN TASTE THE POISON!”