We used to be able to respond “Because America doesn’t celebrate losers” but our current establishment has kinda ruined that argument.

The rootinest tootinest racist this side of the Rio Grande.

They were going to have two of these set up at once, but due to Kauffman being an AL park they were unable to execute a double Switch.

Juliet: “What’s in a name? That which we call a Rose by any other name would smell as sweet...”

That’s what I say to the doubters who tell me that a large pizza isn’t a personal pizza.

Some men just want to watch the world burn. But even the Joker thinks this is fucking absurd.

He’s actually describing how often he does leg day at the gym. 

#BananaRepublicans

“The Packers have informed me that there letting me go.”

your anger brings me strength in these trying times

I’m not struggling, I know the motherfucker is living in my brain rent-free, just like Putin was offered a $50mm penthouse in Trump Moscow rent-free.

Just as long as that self-expression doesn’t involve “female-presenting nipples,” whatever that means.

Steelers Fan Eats A Headbutt 

Sir, this is an Arby’s drive-through.

Thielen: That’s bullcrap!

Best I can do is Bud Light and Cheez-its. 

Brett did always have a knack for helping out the wrong team.

“Don’t let the small get you down” actually wasn’t in the original script. That was Favre speaking from his heart.

Yeah, making me download an app is a nonstarter. 

As long as I have to give up personal information in order to avail myself, then none of this free food is really free.