We used to be able to respond “Because America doesn’t celebrate losers” but our current establishment has kinda ruined that argument.

The rootinest tootinest racist this side of the Rio Grande.

They were going to have two of these set up at once, but due to Kauffman being an AL park they were unable to execute a double Switch.

Juliet: “What’s in a name? That which we call a Rose by any other name would smell as sweet...”

That’s what I say to the doubters who tell me that a large pizza isn’t a personal pizza.

Some men just want to watch the world burn. But even the Joker thinks this is fucking absurd.

He’s actually describing how often he does leg day at the gym. 

#BananaRepublicans

“The Packers have informed me that there letting me go.”

Ajit Pai would make a killing if he licensed his face to a punching bag manufacturer.

Man, this guy is like Top 5 Most Punchable Faces 2018

Holy hell that guy is backpfeifengesicht.

your anger brings me strength in these trying times

That’s literally why you put report in the headline; to indicate that the item you’re discussing is the product of some other report. 

I’m not struggling, I know the motherfucker is living in my brain rent-free, just like Putin was offered a $50mm penthouse in Trump Moscow rent-free.

Just as long as that self-expression doesn’t involve “female-presenting nipples,” whatever that means.

Steelers Fan Eats A Headbutt 

Sir, this is an Arby’s drive-through.

Thielen: That’s bullcrap!

“Don’t let the small get you down” actually wasn’t in the original script. That was Favre speaking from his heart.