“Pssh, I’m going to break federal and state laws because I hate getting money.”

“There appears to be a dead mouse in this mousetrap which is not described as being there on the database.”

In a similar but unrelated note, I now bump into men who walk right into my path instead of moving to the side as we pass on narrow sidewalks.

probably STDS (Sudden Teen Death Syndrome).

If you added the total cost of every car i have ever owned together it is still less than that Kia.

“WE ALL READ GROUPTHINK and CLASHTALK.”

You deserve a break, dear. You really, really do. Neither of them is allowed to manipulate you like this any more. Good luck, and don’t come back until they seem to have gotten a grip.

It’s good you followed up on that though! Thank you for caring.

Yeah, me and my husband Idris Elba just feel so bad for them.

My dad convinced me and my sisters that “Resident” was a small, hairy person that lived under our house, which was built on a raised foundation. We put all our junk mail on the ground by the foundation’s vent hole, and would get so excited when it was gone next time we checked. “Resident came!”

So what are they saying... that a bear can’t rape a man because it’s female?

No reason to not plug the holes you’re in control of, though.

I volunteered at a con she was at once. She looked at us, decided we weren’t sparkly enough, and proceeded to sprinkle glitter on each of us. She just had a bag of glitter in her purse! “Now you guys are ready for showbiz!” she said.

I had this one epic saga of a dream that took place in a sort of dystopian, run down town. There were lots of plot twists and turns but the part that TRULY haunts me is this:

When I was somewhere around 11 years old, I was in puberty and definitely was having some feelings. And at this time I had the best dream ever and it might not ever be topped for me.

I may be too late for the party, (sidenote, would give Alan Rickman a HJ any day, no matter how ungrateful he was). This story is sort of NSFW.

A few years ago, I dreamed that I was at the mall with a friend— one who only existed in this dream. As we were walking past the pretzel place, she turned to me to ask, “Hey, don’t you want to go in Claire’s?” I am a black man in my (at the time) late-20s: I do not have a single piece of business in Claire’s, however…

I don’t know what’s wrong with my brain, but I have grotesque sex dreams pretty regularly. There’s one from a few years ago that has forever been burned into my brain, though.

I dunno if this can be classified as a sex dream, but i once dreamnt that my vagina was just full of q-tips. Like, you know that picture of the guy breaking the guiness world record for the most cigarettes in his mouth? It looked like that, but vagina q-tips. Any analysis would be appreciated.