I only played once, in college. I was so excited I bought my own dice and everything. Agonized over my character sheet for like a week. The DM let me go first, since I was a newb. We were in a cave after some rocks fell, closing us in. I guess he expected us to dig down or find another exit, but I confidently said…

My dog won’t even kill the roaches/palmetto bugs that come out of the drains.

I just remembered that I have another funny (?) funeral story. This will be way at the bottom. I don’t mind.

I’ve never been to an actual funeral with an open casket, just viewings and visitations at funeral homes. I’ve only seen one body, my grandma’s, and that was more than enough for me. But when my dad died, my mom really wanted to see his body, because the last time she’d seen him was when she’d found him dead. She…

My father was 30 minutes late for his own funeral.

My family originates from Irish peasant stock, which contributes to a somewhat no-nonsense attitude to death. When I was about six, my grandfather died in Ireland. Far-flung sons, daughters and their families gathered for the funeral.

Oh GOD, I’ve just remembered the one my sister told me about the boy she had a crush on at High School. Bear with me, it’s a long one. It’s also a wee bit painful.

The summer before I turned 13 my boobs came in and my uncle died. Because of my rapidly developing body, I didn’t have any clothes to wear to the funeral, so my mom had to take me clothes shopping. She would lose her patience with me pretty rapidly, so I ended up buying a ton of ill-fitting grey items and a bra (for…

I was about ten, and my mom’s best friend’s mother died. She was a miserable old bitch, best pictured as a cross between Tony Soprano’s mom and Mrs. Burn’s mom. Just awful and did nothing but spew hatred at everyone.

When my son passed away, he was 14 months old and a friend had brought his young daughter up from KY for the funeral. It was late January and she had never seen snow so she started doing snow angels and playing in the snow at the cemetery. The other kids who were there were looking at their parents for the same…

After being dead for 18 years, my father in law still has a stalker.

Alright, I obviously was not there, but this is one of the best funeral/memorial stories I’ve heard to date:

Just this summer, my uncle died. His cremated remains were brought from his state of residence to SC for interment. The graveside service, attended only by family, was held in the middle of the day during that godawful heat wave we had. It was 108 degrees. Three generations of my family stood around in our Sunday…

I basically babbled. Something along the lines of, “I’m so glad he has such an open minded and loving family, but I’m not a sex worker and I really only know him from the amazing stories my new coworkers tell me. I’m so sorry for your loss, and I’m sure I would’ve loved him but maybe not that way but maybe that way…

The guitarist from my old band died quite unexpectedly at a youngish age after a long battle with what we could only assume was a bad combo of Tourette’s syndrome and Aspergers and an accidental toxic combo of the questionable drugs he took to keep all that in check. Rather than a typical funeral for a strange and…

I wasn’t there for it, but I felt horrible for my mom when she went to her mother’s funeral. Her mother was rasied Southern Baptsist but converted to Catholicism when she married my grandfather. She was very happy with her newfound religion and was very devout. My granndma died after losing a battle with lung, stomach…

So a week after I started this job, a guy who no longer worked at the publication I worked for died in a car accident. I never met him, and he was a copy editor so it wasn’t like I was familiar in any way with him through what he wrote.
But nevertheless, the EOC said everyone needed to go. So I went. And somehow the…

Freshman year of high school a girl I knew’s dad died suddenly, now we weren’t that close then, but we’d been really good friends in elementary school, so my mom decided our family should go to the funeral to show our support and all that jazz. Now, in the eyes of the law her parents had been divorced for about a…

I am going to keep this one short and sweet.

I am horrified by myself that I did this, but this is by far the most awkward thing that I have ever experienced at a funeral.