He wanted to make a movie about his daddy; but, his father was an unremarkable man. So, he stole the legacy of a talented musician and the history of Black Americans to elevate his father’s average life (and make some money).

I’ve never put a hat on a bed since I saw “Drugstore Cowboy”.

Tucker Carlson’s thoughtful expression always looks like he’s watching two dogs 69ing off in the distance

If she did make good on her threats, it would have been real awkward when his fellow police officers showed up to burn a cross on his lawn and lynch him.

The problem with championship parades is that they always take place on a weekday, so when New England sends its people, they’re not sending their best. They’re not sending people who have jobs and contribute to society. They’re sending people that have lots of problems, and they’re bringing those problems with us.…

The last thing LaVar Ball needs is to be around more Suns that don’t play basketball well.

Regulation bad! Complete freedom good!

And when she can’t pay that original ticket it doubles. And she has to pay every day her car gets held in police impound. And her license will eventually get suspended and she’ll get a warrant for failure to appear.

He’s a savior just because he got crucified for our sins? I like people who weren’t crucified. OK? I hate to tell you. Perhaps he’s a savior, but he said some very bad things about a lot of good people who steal from the poor and hate their neighbors. So I dunno. I lot of people are saying he wasn’t that great. 

Kanye is becoming more like Trump everyday.

I hope their bus crashes on the way home. Yes, I mean that. There is no fucking way these kids are going to grow up and be open-minded, caring, loving adults. They’re just going to stay virulent racists, and they look like they already come from privilege, so they’ll be rich and powerful racists. So we may as well…

The common argument against gun control is that if you outlaw guns, only criminals will have guns. This is disproved regularly in Canada, a country that has pretty moderate rules regarding hunting weapons, but strict ones concerning handguns and automatic assault weapons.  If you outlaw guns, they become very…

This would never have happened at McDowell’s. I’m just saying.

That was...not what I expecting her aesthetic to be.

During this debacle I followed some of the attendees to track the mess in real time because I love a slomo trainwreck, this included following some sort of trustafarian named kt_magee (0n instagram), who was posting about her experience. This ended up being the gift that kept on giving, because long after Fyre Fest out…

Dear Deadspin,

How the fuck did you not manage to title this “Portnoy’s Complaint: Barstool is too racist” ???

Sincerely,
Uncle Milty
Dept. of Witty Literary References

This is absolutely stomach-turning. Any time someone tells me “rape culture” doesn’t exist (and yes, I know, “well, actually” brigade, she wasn’t raped in this instance), I point to shit like this; a woman can be assaulted—in the US, Japan, or anywhere else—and the onus inevitably comes back to her, even if her…