You know, I wouldn't have guessed this based on the backlash I got for compensating my female employees with gift baskets full of marshmallow fluff and Jolly Ranchers. They're all like, "Jobs are for making money for the FUTURE!"

I turn off my nerdbrain every time I go to the movies otherwise I'm like "PSH THAT'SCH PHYSCHICALLY IMPOSCHIBLE!" (imagine I am saying this with a retainer in my mouth).

Weddings are to make money for your future

Does Stephen Colbert have any flaws? That was just beautiful. Not entirely sure why my face is all dripping now, though.

This thread is beautiful and you should all be proud of what you have created here.

I believe this would fall under the little-known field of maritime law.

Quick, someone get Serena Williams to comment on this. I need to know just how much of a tragedy it is for these poor rapists and whether or not Serena thinks the victim may have been a virgin.

Thanks for the link, my rat just tweeted them.

Yes, my rat is more technologically savvy than I.

HEY. Hey. Calm down.

Misandry isn't real. We are mocking the concept and the people who believe it.

THAT ONE IS MY SECOND FAVORITE AFTER FISHANDRY

Why would you do that?

There's no such thing as too much Fishandry!

Find another doctor.

IT DESERVES POSTING TWICE.

These same people used to sell crotchless pantaloons on their website! I kept a pair in a shopping cart for like two years but could never bring myself to buy them because of creepiness factor and I didn't want to give them any money. Did I make a huge mistake??

DONE!

Just tweeted them—thanks for the suggestion.

... do you think I'm Orson Welles? I'm not, just so you know. This is me IRL: