Here's a theory :

Perfect description. Just perfect

Girl, if that makes you happy, go on with your bad self. I think it's a great quality to be so self-sufficient. But please recognize that many of us are not like that. I liked my free time when I was single, but I wouldn't trade it for the companionship I have now for a million dollars.

And there are some people who have bad acne or skin discoloration, for whom make up can make a world of difference. What if I said "I can't imagine why anyone would want to wear shape wear" — just because I'm thin and don't personally think its necessary? Or "I can't believe some people shave every day" — just…

Mind if I borrow "hot teat of Jesus"? Because that is just too perfect to not spread around.

Hot teat of Jesus that is awful!

There is a bag in that photo?

I understand that this is not the point of this article but GIVE ME THAT MAKEUP.

We should make matching t-shirts. Do you also have a half-assed hairstyle because of the same reason?

My excuse? I'm lazy.

The best part of this is that Katy Perry's real name is Katy Hudson, and she adopted Perry (her mom's maiden name) to avoid getting confused with Kate Hudson.

Let's just slap "holocaust" onto everything that has nothing to do with the actual holocaust, mmkay?

"I have a pregnancy fetish SO YOU SHOULD TOO!"

Great article, but please consider changing "DO encourage people of both genders to pay attention to their personal safety" to "DO encourage people of ALL genders to pay attention to their personal safety"

I have seen the future, and it is full of more bullshit.

"I will present myself as an example that it’s possible to have fun without being drunk."

Saw this article headline on Slate yesterday and though to myself, "Self. That article title is idiotic, sexist, and bullshit. Don't bother reading it. Just wait to see which Jezebel author's head explodes by 5pm tomorrow."

I wasn't disappointed. Well done.

THEY ALL EAT THE GLUTEN!

Oh I LOVE VF's bitchy profiles on people. They've got so much damn money they know they can print something like this and get away with it. I can't afford most of what's in there, but I love the magazine, and I will definitely be buying this issue. I've tried so hard but I just can't with Gwennie, and I think it's…

I'm sorry, I'm a horrible person but I'm really excited for this. GP seems to be an insufferable, out-of-touch, condescending twat.