I mean, isn't that the only silver lining to being sick? Not giving a shit about how you look? Because I literally can't give a shit, I've shat it all out already.

Ahem. I think you'll find that Baileys is the middle-aged, pussy-whipped balding bloke with a middle-management-induced stomach ulcer who mistakenly thinks you'll find him handsome and sensitive for his drinking choice, and is really hoping you'll go back to his conference hotel room so he can make semi-hard-on 'love'…

"HOW MANY KARDASHIAN INSIDERS ARE THERE?"

Gin, you marry.

And one 14-minute voicemail.

Fat Tire is the guy who keeps trying to "turn you on" to bands and memes that were new in 2009.

Mad Dog is the old man who proposes to you twice a week at the bus stop. :(

Moscato is the guy from IT who takes you out to the zoo for a first date, and then leaves you 20 text messages within the next 24 hours.

You'll never be good enough for gin's parents.

I think I've dated all of these asscohols.

Mike's Hard Lemonade has a creepy fixation on much, much younger women.

Ugh, grape culture. Amirite?

Porter shows up to dates on his fixie.

Make her be president please someone please yes thanks.

She is so frigging awesome.

They were not kidding when they said women had super powers!

It's such a random list of issues, too- like, everyone knows if you have a half-sibling or move a lot you'll never amount to anything and read a newspaper, dammit!!!

Justin Bieber.

The majority of Americans support the ACA, but oppose Obamacare.

I don't know how you guys haven't noticed that yet. I'm not even American, and I'm amazed at how much of your elections is just flat-out fear-mongering. I mean, again, Canada isn't perfect for politics, but... wow. O_O