“He’d never get away with that in [insert decade here].”

Meh. They’re still losing by twelve. A dunk is worth the same as a layup showboater.

That player was lucky! With Israeli medics, sometimes you keep your limbs, and sometimes Jerusalem.

Would it really be that difficult to design a stretcher with long enough handles that the carrier at the head of the stretcher doesn’t give the injured player such a wonderful view of Uranus?

Seriously, people. Billion dollar idea, here, and I'm just giving it out for free.

This is far too fancy. I am a simple man of simple tastes. More Ovaltine, please.

Putting fake maple syrup in the fridge doesn’t make you a monster, Kevin - simply having it in the first place does.

What’s supposed to be one of the closest relationships in the world ending up in a morass of incredible tension, resentment, contempt, and even hatred?

And to think that this is merely the first of two interviews the Cowboys require before signing a player.

So is the Lexus oval (ellipse). That’s why some of the parts, like steering wheels / airbag covers and key fob shells, were interchangeable.

It was all fun and games until one of the kids challenged him to a game of “Pig.”

Cholula is great, but I wouldn’t put it on anything I put Sriracha on (Asian foods).

Let’s just address the elephant in the room here: those trikes.

If you’re actually from Detroit, that $4 will buy like 8 houses.

Wow. +1 ÷ 1

Please show your work.

Laugh all you want, Tom. The last thing this country needs is more division.

Outstanding, I am now a Blair Walsh fan. He made Drew cry, and he made these kids’ year.

Pretty adorable in the classroom, but I bet it got awkward at recess when he was the last one picked for kickball.