[an old man, dying and alone, draws his last, raspy breath]

LeBron and four other LeBrons with varying hairlines.

Calls to the U.S. are not expensive. She just doesn’t want to talk to you.

It turns out that the Patriots released their financials as well, but didn't account for inflation.

I thought he’d be used to a hotbox by now

“Um, we sent the Vikings to Mars forty years ago.”
-NASA

Mehh, not as bad as Kam Chancellor and his failed Fonzie scheme.

What are the odds of BOTH parents dying at once? Even if something that awful DID happen, you’d have the perfect sitcom pitch. “What happens when two selfish MILLENIALS have to care for seven grief-stricken orphans? HILARITY! That’s what.”

This is a better outcome than that other NFC East DE who reduced his digits from 10 to 9.

Visiting hours didn’t begin until 4 PM and Tom Coughlin needed to get to bed

Is Deadspin not going to talk about the fact that Kolten Wong made an insane play for the second night in a row, inducing an inning ending double play that changed the tenor of the entire game? Of course not, because amazing plays only get talked about by Deadspin if they’re not Cardinals plays.

If you leave the brim sticker on your hat, you're a douchebag. Thanks for making it easier for us to spot you.

Still not the worst mistake a Packers TE has made this year.

Incredible. I imagine this deal has raised eyebrow across the league.

Yes, it is more important to have sword fighting skills than to, you know, not injure yourself and void your day job’s contract.

Looks like somebody’s got a case of the Mudiays.

He had a disproportionate amout of oops to alleys here

Assuming each pitch is an out.

Vermette and Teuvo as they go past Q to the locker room.

I hope the guy who owns a boat finally catches a lucky break here.