You gotta love the showmanship inherent in his obviously staged situation room photo “during” the raid that killed Al-Baghdadi:

David, I wish to register a complaint. You’ve filed this story to Politics, but this is erroneous, as this is clearly a Sports Story.

I see you guys are on strike, and we’re here for you.

Whew, Hey Dan! You scared us for a minute...the Deadspin homepage looks like the Splinter homepage looked when it got shut down!

Oh thank God, I was thinking Deadspin had been shuttered.

I fucking love that Deadspin has fascinating and well-written articles like these, where when you read the headline you momentarily wonder if it’s just a randomly generated string of words, and then you realize that no, there really were two Kentucky farmers that became kings of croquet.

At least you flushed something.

I didn’t even know the NFL was getting people addicted to the Civil War.

Enjoy the games, everyone.

2-14, most likely. 

And I looked back and saw only one set of footprints in the sand, and I asked God, “Why, when I needed you most, why did you abandon me?” God replied, “No, Antonio, it was then that I carried you. Because you cryogenically froze your fucking feet. This was one month ago! How do you not remember this?”

They play the dolphins at home this year. 

When even Gronk is smart enough to retire, it’s hard to hold a grudge against Andrew Luck