Haha, I can see it now

Coach: “Brian Hoyer’s gonna be our starting QB”
Cushing: “Ugh, he’s terrible” /vomits

He only thinks it’s wrong because Terrell Suggs is black

“I was a member of a fraternity and also a scholarship athlete in college.”

Oh good, I only had to read two sentences into your tl;dr rant before I knew I could safely stop and completely disregard it. Thanks for putting that important info so close to the top!

This more appropriate for you ma’am?

...and?

“Sorry everyone, just a minor hiccup in the control room... I saw a roach. Everything’s okay now though. This is DJ... Hugh... Mann, Hugh Mann, saying the vault is still completely safe! Not a single deathclaw has gotten in here and killed anyone. Who even mentioned deathclaws? Not me. It’s just me and the deat—…

So what? Plenty of Pats fans went out that night and caught crabs.

“Here here”. Are you for real?

HEAR, HEAR.

Emilio Estevez does get impaled through the face which is pretty brutal.

Enough with the racism. We get it, you don't like any race other than white.

It’s Boston. I think you mean it would be like putting 10 pounds of shit into 5 pounds of shit.

Option #2: Don’t go on a cruise. They’re all terrible and trap you indoors with the worst humans on earth and then you get 2 hours where they dump you and the rest of your scum-of-the-earth boatmates into some tourist trap where everything is expensive and anyone there who’s a local hates you for ruining that area for…

To be fair, if we granted every player’s wish who wanted to be traded away from a Philadelphia franchise then there wouldn’t be any sports left in Philly.

Baseball fights are the single stupidest thing in sports.

No state in America has seen a bigger percentage contraction of its middle class since the year 2000 than Wisconsin. None. Meanwhile, just across the river, Minnesota (which has essentially identical demographics to Wisconsin in virtually every meaningful sense), ruled by “libruls”, has surged so far ahead that the…

This - Walker proposed an absurd $300 million cut from the UW system in a move lauded as representative of his “fiscal conservatism” but what was apparently a way to free up public funding to funnel to his buddy’s stadium project while weakening a system known by every economist in the world to actually produce…

The Wisconsin State Senate—the same legislative body imposing draconian cuts to the state’s University System out of ‘necessity’—had no problem coming up with a quarter of a billion dollars for this boondoggle. As a Wisconsinite, this kind of thing makes me livid. But even if you didn’t grow up here, you should still…

(pro tip: Getting drunk is your friend when you want to sleep through noise).

Roger.