Seriously. That guy looked straight at a bullet, and the bullet turned around and ran away.

E: Megyn Kelly’s Wherever

“She was inside the hospital in a climate-controlled area with access to her cellphone, access to the Internet and takeout food from the best restaurants in Newark”

I was feeling sad that Paul Ryan was going to become Speaker and tidy things up. I am really enjoying this shit show. I’m so glad it will be continuing.

I’m pretty sure Paul Ryan would love to bow out of the Speaker race if he can make sure only the Freedom Caucus got blamed. The only reason he’s even considering it is because if he didn’t run, other Republicans would all get butthurt about how he’s not taking one for the team and maybe not be as supportive of his…

Christ. No wonder Boehner was so visibly happy to be quitting this circus.

Well, *these assholes.*

I would totally vote for The Onion’s version of Joe Biden.

“Trap Queen”

No one deserves a quiet retirement full of hot tea and books and grandchildren more than Joe Biden.

Paul Ryan’s entire life is an example of “for me, but not thee.”

Who is he kidding, kids at that age do not want to hang out with their parents.

I’m sorry, should they be expected to mix with the plebes?

Counter-question: are those different bands

State Institution for Male Defective Delinquents

Carly Fiorina has a pathological problem with the truth. She claims she was a fantastic leader for HP and helped to secure the brand. That’s her “truth”. The reality is: The morning it was announced she was forced out as CEO, the stock shot up 7.9% and hit over 12% later in the day, the single largest gain in company…

“You’re acting crazy. You’re out of control. You’re like a shark. You’re like a tornado. You’re like a mixture between a shark and a tornado.”

I’m an affirmative action and I love white people!

I mean, I tend to be an isolated weirdo but I’m not about to murder people for kicks.