okay but this is legit fucking hilarious and now I’m going to put something in my obit like,

THIS WAS FUCKING HILARIOUS AND HONESTLY PROBABLY TOP TEN ESSAYS I HAVE EVER READ ON THIS SITE I LEGIT CRIED LAUGHING

BRB, giving myself a hysterectomy with kitchen utensils.

Right? It’s decided. No kids. Nope.

This article kind of changes things for me in the kid having department.

what kind of fucking monster devil restaurant doesn’t give you fries with a burger

I could defend being in the position of dealing with a small child who is a picky eater. But that doesn’t mean it’s the restaurant staff’s responsibility to go out of their way to deal with it, too.

she’s being sent back to HQ for reprogramming

No, but she was a paid abstinence spokesperson who couldn’t manage to stay abstinent even though she got paid to do so. In other words, she’s a fucking hypocrite and gets all the deserved shit for talking about of both sides of her face.

pretending to enjoy going to clubs.
shitty music, douchey bros, overpriced drinks, and I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that it’s perfectly okay that I don’t dance.
do. not. dance.

Praise be to Isis...

There were extenuating circumstances...I wasn’t running for president back then.

I've been using this one all day

Cady’s anecdotal evidence*:

Quit while you’re ahead and swipe left, brah.

Many years ago at the group home for developmentally disabled teens where I worked there was a resident who really, really wanted to go to the best steak house in the city for his 18th birthday. He had behavior and anger issues, but was determined to earn that birthday dinner, and he managed it. So another staff…

counter:

A woman challenged him and he called her a bimbo afterward. This is what Megyn Kelly was talking about.

I couldn’t do it. I listened for a bit then had to switch it off. I’ll read their repsonses and watch clips but that was too much crazy on display for me and the crowd’s cheers for bad things made it worse.