she’s being sent back to HQ for reprogramming

No, but she was a paid abstinence spokesperson who couldn’t manage to stay abstinent even though she got paid to do so. In other words, she’s a fucking hypocrite and gets all the deserved shit for talking about of both sides of her face.

pretending to enjoy going to clubs.
shitty music, douchey bros, overpriced drinks, and I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that it’s perfectly okay that I don’t dance.
do. not. dance.

Praise be to Isis...

There were extenuating circumstances...I wasn’t running for president back then.

I've been using this one all day

Cady’s anecdotal evidence*:

Quit while you’re ahead and swipe left, brah.

Many years ago at the group home for developmentally disabled teens where I worked there was a resident who really, really wanted to go to the best steak house in the city for his 18th birthday. He had behavior and anger issues, but was determined to earn that birthday dinner, and he managed it. So another staff…

counter:

A woman challenged him and he called her a bimbo afterward. This is what Megyn Kelly was talking about.

I couldn’t do it. I listened for a bit then had to switch it off. I’ll read their repsonses and watch clips but that was too much crazy on display for me and the crowd’s cheers for bad things made it worse.

One day, I hope someone invents a device that rich men could use when they want to have sex with random women but don’t want all the risks of getting them pregnant and having to pay child support.

But the 5th Circuit finally pulled their heads from their arses and recently struck down Texas’s voter ID law, even though that douchenozzle Ken Paxton is still in as much denial about that as he is the gay marriage ruling. I kept waiting for Jezebel to report on it but never saw anything.

He and Michelle are bae.

I posted something similar on social media, but possibly more than any influence besides my family, Jon Stewart affected my political, cultural, and world view in my coming-of-age moments. He was the constant as I struggled (and struggle) to make sense of the mundane, tragic, and farcical. It’s true I had begun to…

Jon, you were brilliant, erudite, and just plain awesome. You shamed Congress into passing the 9-11 responders health care bill, you fed Tucker Carlson his testicles on Crossfire, and you gave birth to brilliant talent....John Oliver, Steve Carrell, and Stephen Colbert among others. You will be missed buddy. Your…

this is my favorite thing

I see what you did there...