Consequently after reading this story I grew great wings, like a pterodactyl, and flew away from the internet for the rest of the day screeching "NOPE NOPE NOPE."

So very special, unless they require food/housing/healthcare assistance, that is.

Can I just say, fuck kale.

"she inhaled a large portion of rich spinach and artichoke dip" in a restaurant, then "called a waitress over and asked for ribs — and looked crushed when the perplexed server told her they don't have them."

Somewhat related.

I'm very bummed that the first thing I thought was: "can I get one for me that will only give me 1200 calories a day?"

Maybe I'm just old. We weren't allowed to have fun walkin' around food in my day. ::shakes fist, mumbles something about tacos on my lawn::

Super cute. It looks so basic but I'm sure it's like $700 or something. I really like her hair right now. I wish my hair would do something like that (the styled-but-not-too-done wave), but alas, I may as well wish for a recording contract for all my sad songs about John Mayer.

Hmmm, perhaps my private High School just wanted to class up the cafeteria food by giving it a "proper name" other than "questionable decisions in a Frito Bag".

I love frito pie. I do it with Chili Cheese or BBQ Fritos and microwaved Steak & Shake Chili. Why yes, I do work from home and don't exercise much.

If I remember the ones we ate in my youth: The snack sized bag of Fritos. Add your taco seasoned meat/chicken. Shredded cheese, tomatoes, lettuce and whatever other fixings you like in to the Frito bag. Eat directly from bag with plastic fork. Regret nothing after spending 6th period in the bathroom.

If I knew Sharon Stone personally, I'd be scrubbing her kitchen floor in a 'little Dutch boy' outfit instead of typing this right now.

Bachelor Juan Pablo was spotted canoodling with someone known as "MILF Mom" ("who fought Tan Mom on Howard Stern's show" :( ) at DJ Pauly D's DJ set in Atlantic City. The theme of the party, presumably, was "actual hell."

I would just wear one of those old timey full body swim suits.

Sorry, dude, I don't think fetch is going to happen here.

I am so delighted that this is a thing. I look forward to bringing you more grotesquery and misery tomorrow!

I've always assumed his base of popularity dates back to his days on MSCL. As someone who was a tween at the time of the show and who had a huge crush on him at the time, I've always had a soft spot for Leto. I'm not wild about his current look though. Long. flat hairstyles with center parts are not my thing.

I am going on record here to say that Jared Leto looks like the kind of guy who would be lazy in bed because he's hot. And also he would give you chlamydia.

I'm still waiting for the video where abortion doctors tell you why steroids are bad.

I had a roommate that: