My favorite is from my father. He and I are very close, and of similar temperaments. We drink beer together, watch NASCAR, all that shit. I cuss like a sailor, and I’ve gotten to that age where my dad will be completely candid with me, cussing and all.

Ha, CROSSfit. Teehee.

Oh for fuck’s sake.

Jesus always struck me as the crossfit type.

That’s... EIGHT LOKOS!!! :-O

I threw up in a potted palm in the lobby of the St. Francis Hotel in San Francisco, at my Senior Ball, right in front of the principal. Apparently I am allergic to scallops. I arrived, had my photo taken, sipped a 7 Up, turned green, and spent the rest of my evening in the lady’s room, where the speech and debate…

It’s not “If I can’t have it, no one can!” though.

“When I can’t afford it on my pay, I don’t want people on the taxpayer’s dime to afford those kinds of foods either.”

I would definitely watch a show where DJ and Kimmy are married to each other and have three adorable boys.

Serious question: After doing my housework and applying for some jobs, I spent a chunk of today knitting a blanket with Red Heart acrylic yarn, while smoking cigarettes and bingeing on X-Files(I have to refresh my lamprey/human hybrid knowledge before the new one drops). Can I have a lifestyle blog?

My sister is currently traveling in Europe. Her travel buddies pranked her by telling her that the lights for the hostel (the shared community shower) were clap-on.

I worked at Applebee's for almost three years in my hometown of about 22,000 people. I was working full time as a hostess and the to-go server, and was also working full time in our local junior high school in a classroom for troubled kids. I'd get to the school at 7:00 in the morning, work until 3:30, go home, change…

"That feels so good! Don't stop!"

I think about it constantly and my birthday is in 3 weeks (ugh). My current thought process is to think about all the great things about getting older and focus on those. I'm getting a HUGE car that I will drive terribly, wear loud lipstick, smoke pot/play video games all day and just be as much myself as I possibly…

Also, can we talk about the hypocrisy in this article? Bartlett wants owners to "improve the livelihood of those in the service industry." Well, by not tipping, Bartlett is supporting the owner's businesses (by eating the food) while simultaneously screwing over the workers (by not leaving a tip). Also. To hold China…

This is a story of how one of the worst days of my life ended up reaffirming my faith in strangers and in the human race in general.

This is a barebones script for Meg Ryan, isn't it? (in all seriousness though that's beautiful)

Oh! And my Go Bag came in super handy when I left that psycho, too :-) $585, passport, 3 days of clothes