You’re right, I clearly have martyr complex. Furthermore, I’m 100% certain that Cards fans are WAAAAY better than any other fan....of any sport, not just baseball. Everyone can clearly see that. Beyond that, I’m definitely a douchebag. I’m glad you have a keen eye and can diagnose those attributes.

Thank god he’s with the Cubs now. If he was still a Cardinal the headline would stay at the top of Deadspin for a week and read something like, “Asshole Cardinal Lies. Stares Down Pitcher and Then Denies It”.

If we are using that criteria to kill things off lets start with you.

Right... gassing.

A Møøse once bit my sister... No realli! She was Karving her initials on the møøse with the sharpened end of an interspace tøøthbrush given her by Svenge - her brother-in-law - an Oslo dentist and star of many Norwegian møvies: “The Høt Hands of an Oslo Dentist,” “Fillings of Passion,” “The Huge Mølars of Horst…