"…until you stumble away from the table unable to stomach even the most wafer-thin metaphor for the emptiness of human intimacy."

I prefer new-fangled shankings.

How about a movie based on the "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" book from the movie "Hitchhiker's Guide to…the…….hm.

$8.50 for a souvenir cup full of Bud Light, or $7 for an ass-fuck.

They're using a ladder for god's sake!

My folks divorced when I was 9, and by 11 mom was dating.  I was pretty territorial, but in the most passive-aggressive way.  Being too young to stay home alone, I'd stay awake in bed until the babysitter left, see if mom brought anyone back home, and then crash whatever scene was happening in the living room. "Mom, I…

Was this internet-age masturbation?  Or did you have to rely on things like MTV's The Grind, or scrambled un-paid-for Pay-Per-View, or the ads in the back of the Village Voice?  Let's get right to the REAL embarrassing story corner.

@twitter-499832989:disqus  Even in the douchiest, most mustachioed art school corners of Brooklyn this will earn you a beating.

Someone's probably dying RIGHT NOW!
Stupid cliffhanger.

@Nudeviking:disqus  - That was also my favorite hardcore dance move. Friends and I dubbed it "picking up change."

UPS Guy: Where do you want these rocks?
Marie: They're MINERALS!!!!  *BLAM! BLAM!*

Special request for next season: Could you count the deep sighs? You know, the ones the judges bust out when they have to pretend to make a hard decision? There must have been 10-15 in the first half of the show.

@avclub-15037e2695ec8b4820f9346d067edf39:disqus Juan Uribe is one of my favorite players because of the '05 Series.  I think he only hit like .230, but had clutch hits, was sick on the bases, and huge with the glove. That crash into the stands in game 4, and he comes right back and makes the final out charging through…

Can we watch the Dodger game?

You've been to Boston, I gather.

Wait… I could hate-watch the last episodes of Dexter tonight and be done with it forever?

Harvey Pekar was swell, but is he really known for roles better than Pig Vomit?  He kinda knocked that one outa the park.

You got it bad, girl.

Are there still Commentary Tracks of the Damned?  Cuz I like the bad ones too…

Good stuff, new friend.  I'm a novice too and found this challenging, yet unpretentious.  But hook me up with a spoiler alert in the future, eh?  I mean, I can't be the only guy who didn't know Al Pacino was The Godfather.