I don’t know why I dislike her so much. I cringe every time she turns up on Curb Your Enthusiasm. I was so happy she and Larry got divorced on the show. 

Not all staplers are bad

My husband is from the Philippines, and speaks English fluently, but prefers the captions on, especially with dialogue-dense shows and movies, (like Handmaid’s Tale, House of Cards, etc.) I got so used to having them on watching with him that I really miss them when they’re not on. 

If I were his wife I’d staple my vagina shut and take Silkwood showers every day for the rest of my life.

Perfonally I’m hoping he chokes on the thigh-flaps and fromunda cheese

Unless it’s a one page agreement, it’s not the first page, because one of the lines in the photo above which is visible is the signature line, on the left reading “On behalf of the United States” and on the right “On behalf of Mexico”

He wished for dick. Long, hard, veiny, pulsating dick.

You remember those commercials for the Craftmatic adjustable bed? They give you an 800 number to call for the “free catalogue.” Well, it’s not actually a catalogue they sent, it’s more of a three page brochure. When you call, however, you give them your phone number.

“Ohmygodyouguys, if you only saw the side of him I saw. He can be really sweet and thoughtful when he wants. He really takes great care of me, and is so good to my friends. When my father, Vietnam war hero Senator John McCain died, he took such good care of the whole family who was grieving the death of our hero, my…

Well, at this rate the black community of NYC can look forward to their apology for stop and frisk and two centuries of police brutality sometime in 2247. So they have that going for them, which is nice.

Unser Sandmaennchen out of East Germany, while stop-motion, was pretty damn good.

Disagree. “Doubt” was 3.5 stars. Put LITERALLY ANYONE ELSE in the Amy Adams role and it’s 5 stars. Shit, put me in a habit and it’s 4. 

There is no such equivalent in New England. While New England does have a rich, distinctive culinary tradition, sadly they never figured out what to do with red meat.

I’m a Red Sox fan from Boston who lives in New York.

I’m starting to think we were separated at birth. This is very similar to my sauce recipe I make for ALL pizza.

sorry to be THAT GUY, but 400 rubles would have been a tidy sum in 1986 soviet union. Consider that they lived in a planned economy with subsidized housing and price controls on all goods. You couldn’t get fancy stuff, but hell, NO ONE could get fancy stuff. 400 rubles would have been a good nest egg for a family. 

Haha, I saw the picture and thought “oh boy, the Summer ‘98 Delia’s catalog is out!”

Fuck this noise. My husband started referring to Holzhauer (whose name is German for woodcarver, btw) as his “second hubby” so I couldn’t wait for this preening prettyboy to be taken down a peg and be reminded that Ken the Mormon is still the greatest. Numbers don’t lie.

But it looks like he’s doing the same thing he did with Farley, pull him off the show for a month and send him to rehab, and put him right back on when he’s “better.” TBH, though, Farley didn’t really go off the rails till he left SNL. Spade once speculated that the threat of losing SNL was one of the only things that…

Because they will absolutely cancel that show the day after he dies.