As soon as he said the can was difficult to open I knew he had no gf.  It is not hard to open at all and any woman who saw a man having such difficulty could never see him as a mate.

I read your comment to my girlfriend and she agreed. Then I started writing this comment while my girlfriend was watching. Also my girlfriend likes to touch me all over my body.

My take away from this article is that Zack is trying really hard to convince people he has a gf.