Is...is that camel toe?

It’s just as satisfying to shit talk a cheetah whether you have kids or not.

I’m gonna start yelling that at my awful softball league. Thanks!

“I never said six!”

A nearly had a rage stroke when some POS radio station down here in “marry your first cousin land” posted the story a week or so ago with the caption “How Would You Discipline YOUR Daughter.” No shit.

That’s just your fault for not realizing your potential though. Simba was just gonna spend his days as a total lazybutt and letting the Pridelands fall to ruin until Mufasa told him “Remember who you are”. So your mom had the right idea.

Man, if I was Johnny Depp I'm not sure I'd even date without paperwork.

HOW was there no prenup. HOW.

I hope Drake has both his Raptors and Thunder merch washed and ready to wear.

Holy shit that last line in the original statement makes it sound like Dikembe is straight up ready to machete a dude.

It’s not the game we want, but in Trump’s America, it’s the game we deserve.

The Warriors hot takes are going to be the worst part about them losing.

Thunder-Raptors
Thunder-Raptors
Thunder-Raptors
Thunder-Raptors
Thunder-Raptors
Thunder-Raptors

We are fast approaching an OKC- Toronto Finals.

Cheaper? Yes. Better? Almost definitely. But there’s no fucking way popcorn is easier in a frying pan than in a microwave. Can a frying pan make the exact same quality popcorn in the exact same 2 minutes 30 seconds every time and with zero clean-up afterwards?

It’s all 100% true. I make as many hipster jokes as anyone, but they singlehandedly took my city from dive bars with cheap well shots to finely crafted cocktails, and the number of worthwhile restaurants went from four to forty.

BEER! Yes, craft beer culture is becoming obnoxious. But it’s a price I gladly pay to not be limited to drinking only 1 style of beer (American pilsner) made by Budweiser, Miller or Coors.

Remember the plot of Smokey and the Bandit was centered around smuggling Coors from the west. That’s how dark and dumb the Boomer…

When I was a kid, I used to go lift weights at the local YMCA