DAMMIT CANADA, JUST RUB IT IN OUR FACES WHY DON’T YOU?!

The rest of the world is terrified with you Anna. Except Putin. He is loving it.

But the NRA has been telling me for years that the only thing to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun and the GOP has told me that the government is bad. That means those secret service guys must be bad... and they have guns!

I knew I was missing a step.

Here’s how I relieve tension every morning by being mindful.

and mindfulness... and probably a snickers.

Other than hatred? Visceral revulsion is all I got.

Of course it does. If you’re not making young women feel ashamed about the natural processes of their bodies, then you’re just raising young potential sluts.

Women have their periods for 30 or 40 years. So yes, it’s extremely common for a woman to be caught out somewhere without a tampon.

BY JOVE HE HAS SOLVED THE PROBLEM!

Like so?

You see that ad with all those ugly broads repeating my statements?! Not one of them was as bangable as my daughter Ivanka.

This would be quite effective were it not for the fact that “women: you have to treat them like sh*t” is the subtext for the entire Republican party.

There should be a law allowing those of us with stomach issues the right to speed to the nearest bathroom available.

An incomplete list of things you shouldn’t put up for sale, ranked:

Finally - A christian accepting on the true biblical definition of marriage and selling off his daughter.

There’s an io9 six word horror story in there somewhere.

Anna, I hope Gawker Media is also footing a massive bar tab for this because I know I couldn’t do this sober without my head exploding all over the pink elephant fetus merch.

I want another woman justice