Yeah. Kind of like your “girlfriend from Canada.” Your “car.” And your “strong jawline.”

I just moved back to the US after living abroad for 12 years. And I got Netflix today. I need advice on things to watch. I have a lot to catch up on

This restaurant is where I ate my first turduckentwisnipon- a turkey stuffed with a duck stuffed with a chicken stuffed with a Twinkie stuffed with a Snickers stuffed with a tampon. It was pretty good when liberally slathered with Tabasco-ketchup/ espresso-mayonnaise.

The size of a wine glass doesn’t effect me. I always drink my wine straight out of the can.

Someone should tell Josh that doing the Iggy Pop thing with your shirt on makes you look like a fool.

I’ll be honest with you, I don’t see why anyone continued making new music after Three Dog Night. Think about it. “Jeremiah Was a Bullfrog?” That has never been topped.

I like the band Walk Off the Earth.  A girl I really liked and who broke my fucking heart introduced me to them.

I’m suddenly starting to reconsider my application to be president of Kentucky.

Nothing 500 bucks and a long weekend won’t fix.

What a bunch of dildos.

I get it. Everyone knows your mom is not a big fan

If you disparage Cars 2, motherfucker, I’ll beat you within inches of your life.

“I’m sorry about that treason, y’all. I was high, probably.”

I’m moving to San Jose. I was there last week looking for a place to live. And I drove by the Ritz and saw Pere Ubu is playing there next month. I’m taking that as a good sign.

Manson should have been nominated for Attorney General. He’d be an improvement over the psychopath who currently holds that job.

I guess you could say this Weiner is in a tight spot.

While this is outrageous, it also does not make the top ten list of creepy things Tom Sizemore has done (allegedly).

That was the name of this jazz quartet I used to play with. It was me and three other cunts.

In that header photo it looks like Phil Collins is pointing to something in his pants that frightens and disgusts him at the same time.

My grandma said that all the time when I was a kid.