Son, why do you waste your time posting this stupid shit?! I need you to shave the top of my feet. I'm drunk and am leaving for a date in a few minutes.

How is this a comedy? The simple statement "Fetus told me to do it" is what got me off of death row last week.

Fool! You weren't supposed to put them in your mouth!

What's a "gagortion?"

$40,000 in royalties from the Anarchist Cookbook?!!

This album is so fucking good. From start to finish. If they are able to top this I'm pretty sure it's going to bring about the apocalypse.

Deep Space 9mm is a great song. But that was just El-P, not the "group. "

I'm not sure this wasn't recorded 60 years ago.

Clearly Chuck Norris is going to be next.

Looks like I chose the wrong day to stop sniffing glue.

He said that? Was he high? Like that time he got arrested at an airport with all that blow?

Marguerite Butthole from Pawtucket? I went to Brown with her. If I remember correctly she majored in scatology. I don't know why, but she loved that shit.

The Great Twenty-Eight by Chuck Berry is a great album.

Hey, this reminds me of that time they didn't love a Neko Case album.

Taylor Swift.

I prefer audiobooks of the Bible, read as originally written in Mandarin.

Years ago I came home and my roommate had his girlfriend over. They were listening to Tool on the stereo in the living room. They were big Tool fans and I hated Tool. So as a joke, i put a Carpenters LP on the record player, turned it up real loud, and ran out of the house.

"Fuck. I lost my skulls!"

Is stabbing your roommate with a sword a crime, now? Grow a pair, snowflakes! Your nanny-state is making you weak!

This is news? Have these people never tried this at home their bathtub?