Where is my bagel going to come out?

The neck part was super weird, but the weirdest thing is that I don't think I would have noticed it on the "finished product" had I not seen it happen in the gif.

Parsed properly, this post has some terrific information in it, and thank you for that. But the message on red wine consumption isn't contradictory or confusing in the least: drink in moderation and consider any medical conditions in your present, past, and family history before imbibing. Enjoy!

Now I'm imagining some kid like Ralph from The Simpsons eating the poem.

I stopped at "fixes everything."

Honestly, I appreciate stupid shit like this. When I was in college I exclusively flew Southwest, and they regularly had "funny" flight attendants who would incorporate jokes into the safety lecture. I always found it amusing. I also frequently had the same dude who would make galloping horsey noises over the intercom…

Oooh Forest Hill? I'm not far from there and am now tempted to dress up as a big carton of All-Bran, knock on her door and tell her I'm not for Halloween, only for sad, boring adults who seek to suck the joy out of the lives of little kids.

Pointless. Obesity is an epidemic and the cause is ingrained in the foundation of our country.

Before or after you're embalmed?

BUT SHE'S CHEROKEE INDIAN LOLOLOL U GUIZE R DUMB SHE'S INDIAN PRINCESS

I always roll my eyes with amusement at "sexy" Halloween costumes, but I confess I've been completely won over by Sexy Edgar Allan Poe:

I Googled "Sexy Godzilla" and this came up. If it weren't so damned cold here in Ontario I would totally rock this look!

When you go into my local Best Buy (you know, when you're down for some self-hate and getting lost in a store) there is a person that stands at the door. Said person's job is, allegedly, to double check receipts at the door if you have large items and to act as a store greeter. Lies.

Yes, being accused of a crime simply for buying something in a store, being accosted by police officers, paraded in handcuffs through the store like a criminal, even take to jail for a few hours, all because of your race and not because of anything you've actually done, is just about "hurt feelings".

Speaking of Regretsy, I miss it.

Just search for something like wedding favors and you'll get a metric shitfuckery of plastic Made in China crap.

I think they should be tightening up on the what is sold on there, or at the very least make the provenance of each thing a mandatory part of the items information. I'm fed up of seeing obviously mass manufactured Chinese imports being passed off as 'artisan' all over the place, including on Etsy.

If anyone actually believes that etsy isn't already chock full of factory products, they are stupid or naive. There are plenty of excellent sellers on etsy, but there is a tremendous amount of stuff off a boat from a factory, with soft focus pictures.

Here's the thing: The information is already out there, regardless of whether or not Lifehacker spreads it or not. Pandora's box has been opened. You can't make people "un-know" this information, and the people that were doing this before will do it again. Putting the information here is an informative process, and…