I recently heard his brother, Aniz, on a podcast relate that their mom asked to be removed from the family text group because Aziz is always trying out bits there. That cracked me right up. They’re a delightful family.

I was just thinking that. He totally proved Ansari’s point.

I thought he was a great choice for this monologue, I am a fan of Ansari. He is insightful and cutting but just so gosh darn nice, his humor, even about tough topics, makes me feel like we’re all going to be just fine.

Aziz’s bit about G.W. Bush in his opening monologue cracked me up. “What the hell has happened? I’m sitting here wistfully watching old George W. Bush speeches? Just sitting there- ‘What a leader he was!’ 16 years ago I was certain this dude was a dildo, now I’m sitting there like ‘He guided us with his eloquence!’”

Go Gigi, you look happy and sound so upbeat but am I’m soooo glad I was born in the 80s. I mean I liked make-up when I was a teen girl but nowadays they go full on glamazon with the lips, the perfect hair, the contours. It’s exhausting just looking at her instagram-ready face and imaging how much steely focus and…

My parents were loving, open, non judgemental parents who gave reasonable freedoms and consequences. They are the best parents Ive ever seen. I still felt that way. I hid everything. Because they just “wouldn’t understand.” I hid when my best friend tried to murder me bc they wouldn’t get that she was sick, they’d…

He can hold me accountable all he wants. I have over 200 years of history behind me. Come at me, you fucking tangerine.

I was anchoring today and spelled out the President was lying. It was my third story down, post marches and the CIA clusterfuck, and I very specifically said the crowd DID NOT back to the monument, and that numbers did not match what Spicer said.

He also made this terrifying statement: “We’re going to hold the press accountable.” That’s the direct opposite of how things work in a free nation, asshole.

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THANK YOU! Why the hell doesn’t he just wear a tie pin or a tie clip?

Someone send the man a fucking tie clip, already. You’d think that someone with the billions of dollars and style and class he claims to have, he’d own a damn tie clip.

The bias people have toward believing attractive people are some how “good” is annoying.

He pays her to be near him.

Yeah, I have absolutely no sympathy. You married a horrible trash monster rapist because he’s rich? Have fun watching him slaver over his own daughter and getting pawed at by those tiny, tiny hands.

Yes. Also, Michelle is allowed to have more emotions than just love for Barack (although obviously important). She’s allowed to poke at him, mock his dancing, display displeasure, and basically, be a fucking human being. All Melania’s allowed to do is say how amazing her husband is, how the media hates them, and wear…

#FreeMelania

I’ll never understand the hate for Hathaway. She’s so wonderful in every film I’ve seen of her.

Goddam, I love the ratties. Look at their wee little hands.

If it’s wrong to an aggressive, territorial, two-ton semiaquatic endangered species in my 500 square foot basement studio, then I don’t want to be right.