This.

This. Once, my GF filled up my water bottle while I was in the shower (we have opposite schedules), and even though it’s a wide-mouth Nalgene, she didn’t put any ice in it, just whatever room-tempish cold water came out of the faucet. I mentioned it to her when I got home, and now I fill up my own goddamn water bottle.

You eat the lunch your wife packed at like 10 a.m. then still go get your burrito. Or eat the burrito and throw the lunch away and never mention it. But you don’t, under any circumstances, risk fucking that situation up, you moron.

At what point do they ask you to start carrying the load for CarMax saleries?

Actually I’m sure they love the publicity. Doug isn’t exactly badmouthing them and never has, actually most of the things he says are positive.

I have a Fiat 500 Lounge - same reason. Our minivan? Leather interior. I just give people the stare when they ask us to help move big stuff. Nevermind that I loaded 300 pounds of topsoil in the van, and have carried a wheelchair in the Fiat...

She’s an independent black woman, she don’t need no man

Cheap ass bastards! We take tons of moving orders the first of every month and there’s two kinds of people: those that order extravagantly for the three people helping them out: Four large pies, salad, breadsticks and ice cream. The other type is the one who asks “How many slices in a medium? Eight? Perfect, I’ve got…

“Never loan anybody your pickup truck.” is a lesson that needs to be burned into the brains of anyone who buys a pickup. Just by it’s nature, anybody who wants to use your truck is not asking for it because they need to transport a cardboard box filled with lace dollies. They’re going to beat that thing like a rented…

It’s like the universe is creating incidents just for us, only way it could have been better is if she declared that her children were allergic to green.

Nah. The shape of the blade is such that the actual cutting edge never makes contact with the strip as long as you are rolling the knife in the direction of the spine whenever you attach/detatch.

Nah. The shape of the blade is such that the actual cutting edge never makes contact with the strip as long as you…

A book of ettiquete would have been an acceptable gift.

Having a registry is okay. Ever mentioning it is not. That’s the job for your mother, your maid/matron/best man, anybody. Not you, unless begged by an oldest, dearest friend because they’re desperate not to get something stupid, and even then I’d be happier if your response was, vaguely, “Oh, I don’t know - we’re just…

Can you come to my wedding? I’ve been dying for a dinglehopper.

Pretty much this...

I don’t at all mind wedding registries. It makes it much easier to know what the couple needs and allows you to get them something they both need and like. What I DO mind, however, are honeymoon registries. Screw that noise. I’ll gladly pay for shit you need to build your life together, but I’m not paying so you can…

my grandma had wing chairs reupholstered in that fabric or something like it, so I’m a “no” on these.

I’m basically seeing Modern Westerosi Bride.

Or like someone threw rolls of 50’s frou-frou curtain and bed-sheet material at a bunch of models and it landed kind of like this. These women are tall and thin and yet look (to me) rather drowning in fabric. I can’t imagine what someone without a coat-hanger figure would look like in any of these unwound bolts of…

Stevie Nicks Bridal Collection!