you can tell I’m a kid who grew up on Archie comics by my use of the word “jalopy”

Not to be a profound square but this woman is a thief, is likely a kleptomaniac and should probably be in jail or treatment or both.

Good for you, Canada!

Yeah, if we want to be shallow (and why the hell not, this is a Dirt Bag post), we can point out that Jen has since moved on to a younger and very handsome man who appears to bathe far more often than her ex. Why would anyone think that she’s still secretly pining for Pitt?

If Brad Pitt wants the public to ignore his divorce he should have Terrence Malick direct it.

I thought Deadspin said hot takes were over?

Have you ever watched Key and Peele? Do you get paid for this? Are you ripping off the review for the Guy Fieri Times Square restaurant? Am I doing it right?