@Longrod VonHungendong: If you end it with something about Lisa Lampanelli no one will care...

@Maloik: "So I was having a beer at Qwest field when..."

@Maloik: How's this one. I was jealous when someone told me my ex-gf was accompanying some dude to a party in a suite at MSG tonight. Looked up the MSG itinerary only to find tonight was the "2011 Professional Bull Riders Rodeo" at MSG.

@Maloik: Transplant from the beautiful metropolis of Cleveland, OH. I've had better lives.

@Penny Hardaway's Rookie Card: And by Puerto Rico I mean the bar spillover in Chicago awoke me.

@Maloik: Puerto Rico came to party.

@wyomingcowboyup: I'll save Moneyball for eightball?

@Donte Stallworth Driving School: I don't always drink beer, but when I do, bitches swoon.

I know where everyone is! At the gym getting their "resolution" on!

Michael Lewis DUAN:

@paheadband10: I know how those days end up. Playing beer pong on the new coffee table while the rest of your things are on neighborhood watch on the curb.

@stillion1: Bellaire, Ohio? Appalachian funding has come along way mind you!

"third- or fourth-best QB in the bay area"

@Gamboa Constrictor: Oklahoma! was just soooo cliche.

@Dolla Dolla Bill: I'm sure the whole time you were thinking "Close Enough to Perfect."

So that's what Jim McMahon will be doing during the Bears bye week.

You're alright, Sioux Falls.

@monkberrymoondelight: Those damn White Russians again.

As time was running out, it was time to pull the Stoli.

@Phintastic: Only appropriate when you realize who Rece was sending it back up to...