You might need Jalopnik Segways next year instead of a GEM, both as a show of protest and to cover it all in one day fewer.

it can't be merely "slightly damaged" with a salvage title. PASS!

Have you ever tried flipping a Prius? With all those batteries, they're deceptively heavy. I'd recommend a friend or two, or at least a night of heavy drinking if you're gonna flip one of these things.

Soul Sista'

I was really hoping for a rebirth of the Dodge Aries

This comes as news to me. I just got stuck with a Caliber as a rental car, and I could have sworn it was made of cardboard.

My uncle had one of these when I was a little kid. It was white with beige vinyl. When he told me what it was, I swore he said "Shit-Vette" and until I got older I thought that was its real name. My parents would just laugh when I asked if "Uncle Gary was coming with the Shit-Vette". Probably thought it was cute.

Wow - all the style of a Buick Roadmaster? With all the reliability of a Jaguar?

Or, in Chrysler's case, it is only 3 steps:

Ford PR attempts to counter analysts reporting its stock as a "lead balloon".

I think "Fusion" is marketing speak for what happens when a Saab 9-3, a Mach 3 razor, and the Duracel bunny have group sex.

Take it from a Chicagoan - you're dead on. I mailed a check to the insurance company, only to get a call 2 weeks later saying the bill is overdue. A few days later, I get my original bill sent back, torn in half, opened, check removed, marked postage due. There was a stamp firmly affixed to the envelope. Guess I…

Does it do the Google?

flame surfacing

refer to Cerberus as "the original dog from hell"

I saw Eddie Murphy getting out of one of these on a gossip web site. No word on how many transvestite hookers he was able to stuff inside.