Boomer here. I love claw clips, butterfly clips, banana clips. I got my first professional haircut in a year after I got vaxxed, so now it’s not quite long enough for a clip. I spent the whole of 2020 in them though.

We like Impossible Burgers way more than Beyond. I either smush ‘em up to make a bolognese sauce, or I broil them in the oven. I like to flatten them with a rolling pin between sheets of waxed paper for a doner kebab kind of effect. I’ve also made meatballs out of them. I haven’t cooked or eaten real burgers in over…

Was Pink Floyd’s The Wall quoting Clapton then? I always thought it was about fascism in general, I had no idea it was Clapton in particular. I have been living under a rock.

Trader Joe’s balsamic glaze instead of runny balsamic vinegar. Don’t use too much, just a hint. And lots of basil.

An unattended swimming pool and twice the recommended dose of edibles sounds like a bad idea to me, but you do you.

He has a five year old daughter.  I hope he spends as little time with her as possible.  No little girl needs this in her life.  Also, he claims he’s put substance abuse behind him?  Yeah, right, Chet.

Nope. Four strikes = a week long time-out. Five strikes are needed for eternal banmnation.  But I’m sure she’ll be back in fine self-banning mode in approx seven and half days.

Why is the explainer only for old *white* men?  I don’t want Bill Cosby touching me anywhere either, thankyouverymuch.

Sounds like the sort of thing Piers Morgan would do?  Your description certainly fits him.

I had no idea in-store Home Depot hot food was a thing.  I have never seen it at any Home Depot.  I have lived in Seattle and the California Bay Area.  Starbucks in a Target store?  Yes.  Hot dogs in Home Depot?  No.  My mind is blown.

Sounds like tiffin, which is pretty common in Britain.  Refrigerator chocolate cake.  The Queen loves it, Prince William had it at his wedding.  I just made it for my birthday last month.

“Rich Paul brings his girlfriend to the game to sit next to LeBron”

They do their own tweets?! I thought all these big companies had social media interns (who can be blamed/fired when shit goes south).

I have no opinion either way on Nicholas Cage, but I wrote one of my French A level essays on “Truffle Pigs in the Dordogne” so that’s a subject close to my heart. Even if Cage were in the suckiest movie of his career, I’d watch it for the truffle piggery.

Mitch Fucking McConnell had polio in his youth and it frosts my lizard that he’s not currently in an iron lung (or six feet under).  He survived something horrific, and now he’s doing absolutely nothing in the face of today’s horror.

Currer, Acton and Ellis Bell do not disagree with you.

My ex mother-in-law (a notoriously terrible cook) could make damson jam that mould would not grow on. “Even mould won’t touch Mum’s jam”, my ex said. Never trust jam that mould stays the hell away from.

The Zilli Okuz bull looks far more like the Laughing Cow than a Red Bull. Why aren’t Red Bull suing the cheese peeps too? Is the problem the bovine image, or the testosterone-bull thing?

You’re a scorpio? Cool.  I’m an asparagus.  We’re compatible.

I found the rosé ice cream recently. It’s fine. But honestly, it’s indistinguishable from raspberry ripple. Some kind of fruity pink sauce drizzed throughout, and the rest is plain vanilla.  I’d buy it again, but it didn’t taste fancy.