I feel so bad for you, having that gun stuck against your head as you click on these and read them.

Smothered, covered and fried.

And, on that infamous evening in New England, as the snow banks stood massive and the tears of hipsters everywhere fell as they watched the power they had habituated to receiving from whipping out their iDevices and typing furiously upon their single star...

Normally with a story like Daniel Blake's I would be lamenting it as an example how people with their anti-gluten fad dieting are making things harder with people with real, genuine food allergy issues.

My husband describes the whole two hour experience as if the entire staff had never been inside of a restaurant before and had no idea how typical restaurant experiences were supposed to work. Or drugs.

LIES. MAYO IS PROOF GOD LOVES US.

Her magical solution for college sexual assault is that women should carry a gun once they reach a certain level of hotness: http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/mi…

Clearly, the Dread Pirate Crunch is taking no prisoners.

All this time, Nabisco...all this time, you were too busy asking if you could to stop and wonder if you should.

HOW DERE YOOO C.A. PINKHEM!!! I DID NOT SLEFE EVEY FOR YEERS UNDOOR DE DOOTIFOOL IYES OOF THE BEST CHEFS IN STOCKHOOLM FOR SOME TOMETO-HETING GOOBER TO INSOOLT MY CREFT!!! IV I SEE YOO OON DE STREET I VILL DOOMP A POT OOF MEETBELLS END LIGONBERRY OON YOOOR POONTY HEED!!!

OOND DE NATS SOOK!!!

That's the second-scariest octopus I've ever seen.

No.

...soy sauce is too weird and exotic...

I know. This clearly did not happen on the West Coast, where knowledge of herb is inherent.

In the case of that order, possibly a cup with smaller circumference.

Not even serving it with some Pinot Giorgio can save it.

If we're talking about Sabathia's "salad days" at 305 pounds, perhaps he should be signing with the Pirates.

I'm sure I'm not the only way who likes their soup on a plate and knows just how bad over ripened linguini tastes, right?

Brace yourselves, everyone.