Space isn’t even safe... It would just remind me of Apollo 13.

I’ve been commuting in my Grandma’s 2009 Corolla for the past couple of years through grad and med school. It’s slow, bad in the snow (and rain), ugly as hell (gold w/ band-aid interior), and I hit my head/knees every time I drive it...

That was my first thought — “God damn, what is this... The TaxSlayer.com Sexual Assault Bowl?”

Thesauruses are just yuuge books of loser words. Second place words... Weak words. These words, folks, if these words were so good — why would you need a book just to find them? It’s because they’re hiding, they’re in bad, bad shape, and they’re hiding. But, I’ll tell ya, we’re going to win so much... We’re going to…

What do they do with those giant Sam Ponder cardboard heads after the show each week? ...Asking for a friend.

Daily Show correspondent Jordan Klepper went in pretty hard as well...

I’ve watched hundreds of Indians home games since the new stadium opened, and I never imagined for a second that a ball could get up over that 19-foot wall in left.

I was sitting in the Dawg Pound for the Steelers vs. Browns game on Christmas Eve in 2005 when James Harrison body slammed a drunk Browns fan on the field. The reaction was so bizarre. After Harrison dropped him, the crowd went crazy — it was probably the loudest the stadium was that day. But then, after a few…

I was driving my cousin’s Cayenne GTS for a few weeks while I was house sitting for them (shhh...) and I found that ‘sunglasses storage’, unfortunately it was devoid of any, ahem, sunglasses.

Editor’s Note: The rest of Ohio considers Cincy to be in Kentucky anyway. So, either way, you’re from Kentucky.

Let’s face it, Bigfoot needs to leave... He always leaves dirty dishes in the sink and hasn’t chipped in on groceries for like 2 months.

Right? I don’t follow DWTS all that closely but I’m aware of who has been on previous seasons and there have certainly been more controversial people. Lochte made a fool out of himself in Rio, but what population of people would be upset enough to be willing to spend a night in the clink just to run around in a silly…

Allow me to preface this by saying I have zero experience or knowledge regarding PR. But I think, perhaps, he started the redemption tour sooner than later out of fear of simply fading into the abyss. His sport is only on the world stage every 4 years, and, even then, he’s upstaged by Phelps. Guys like Michael Phelps,…

This may be the closest thing to the truth he’s told so far... It turns out someone in New York cheered on 9/11, after all.

Another humble brag like that and I’m to rule it a hindrance and dock you a point.

Right. “Off his game...” can be an understatement. Monfils can go face to face with Djokovic at the net — hell, he hadn’t dropped a set in the tournament until this match — or knock out an usher at the All England Club. For a guy who’s consistently a top 10 player in the world, it can be a real head scratcher.

I noticed that... It got a little weird, right?

I hate when people post random GIFs or memes, but this is life imitating art and I just can’t help myself...

How old are you? Or am I seriously underestimating how long Josh Turner has been around?

Do you secretly hope that the Cardinals sneak into that wild card spot only to have Adam Wainwright give up 8 runs in 2 and a 3rd? Also, what’s the proper way to write ‘2 and a 3rd’ in regards to innings pitched? ...And none of that 2.1 IP nonsense.