I have fallen ass backwards into courtside Cavs seats through a family friend a few times this year. The experience is like a drunk one-night stand. You’re just happy to be there. You act casual, but it’s hard to relax because it requires so much concentration. It can be a little bit uncomfortable, kind of loud, and…

God damn it.

There it is.

He hits you, doesn’t he? Your husband.

Deadspin can’t do anything about Cardinals fans committing time and space to this childish shit.

Everyone who answered gets a star. You deserve 2.

Yield to the Victors.

Ahem... I think you mean AN Ohio State grad.

It’s a simple process really: After your question is answered, you’ll have to wait the mandatory week to allow commenters to condescendingly tell each other why they’re wrong and, in doing so, explain how they are likely a ‘squid’. There will also be a conversation regarding motorcycle riders and why they’re better…

Update: Barkevious Mingo has been dispatched over the fence and will blend in as dog shit until Manziel passes out by the pool.

Justin Gilbert broke up Shaw pass...

Do you think it’s the “Metta World Peace Lab” now? I would make him pay for another.

My belt holds up my pants and my pants have belt loops that hold up the belt. What the fuck’s really goin’ on down there? Who is the real hero?

“I got king sized bed. I don’t know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he’d be comfortable. “Oh, you’re a king, you say? Well you won’t believe what I have in store for you! It’s to your exact specifications! I believe I can set up your old lady, too!”

“I had an apartment and I had a neighbor, and whenever he would knock on my wall, I knew he wanted me to turn my music down, and that made me angry ‘cause I like loud music... So when he knocked on the wall, I’d mess with his head. I’d say “Go around! I cannot open the wall! I don’t know if you have a door on your…

You got your terrible baseball in my comedy! No, you got your comedy in my terrible baseball!

You may have to put up with a hundred more, regardless.

This is very, very good.

When I was a senior, there was a new kid one of my study halls who had been home schooled until his last year. I graduated with just over a thousand kids, so coming that late was especially rough. He was a really awkward and shy kid. I know he was catching shit from a lot of people, so he started sitting with me and a…

Talk about burying the lede, am I right?!