...lost to Donald Trump.

Really? I mean... wow. Hillary gave us Trump. Don’t forget that.

Was that the woman that had every possible advantage and still couldn’t beat, ahem, Donald Trump?

This article is not fair.

You wouldn’t say that if you saw the size of our guns.

This is like Jordan vs Bird, the video game that you are way too young to know about. The only difference? I’m Jordan this time. That’s two slam dunks right on top of your head.

I’m communicating to you via my satellite tablet while out on a hunt with a few of my long lost friends. We are hunting wild boar... with knives. And guns.

If you saw me face to face you would not call me that. I am neither “little” nor “a guy,” though I am cis-gendered. The point is that I am an unambiguously gigantic tank of a man.

Fun is for children and adolescents that are still partly children. Competition, strategy, maximum effort... this is what you will find out on the gridiron, along with all the men.

I think your gif file still works too.

That is on you, isn’t it? However, my comment was no joke. The NBA is an entertainment league filled with children that inhabit the bodies of men and watched by children that inhabit the bodies of children. You know what else is on you? My slam dunk. I would slam dunk right on top of your head.

You don’t want to play darts with me, Sarcastro. I hit my mark every time.

To be fair, I must acknowledge that I deleted 100% of my original comment about how cats, barring unforeseen cat-luck, will go extinct because they are very selfish yet entirely dependent on humans and replaced it with one about giraffes, a much better animal than a cat.

The only mark I’m hitting is the one I’m aiming for.

When you graduate to a man’s sport, you’ll see.

Giraffes are also going extinct. Giraffes.

I always have to laugh when I see an article about slam dunks. How much more mileage can the NBA get out of such a silly, show-boating tactic? David Stern knows how to fill the seats, but it ain’t with honest competition... it’s with childish entertainment. In the NFL you get fined for that kind of immaturity.

Romo plays throwback smash-mouth football. Maybe that style is unfamiliar to you, but it’s what I grew up on.

I live in Boston which is basically NYC but smarter and can tell you how to achieve the perfect hygge without lifting a finger or spending a penny.

Funny, I expect an arrest like this in New York, California, or Illinois... but definitely not in South Carolina.