Apologies on behalf of the state I live in. There are sane people in Florida too and we are as baffled as you are.

This is SO gif-able.

CONNECT TO:

PERFECT POSITIONING. I totally thought the NBC logo in the background was part of his hat and whaaaaaaaat.

I'll take it. I've never actually eaten there, and I feel like I could get a piece out of it.

I don't know, I'm actually kinda impressed. I always thought that women got pregnant from sex with men, but Sierra Leone instead found out that it's from spores emitted from other pregnant ladies. That's a scientific breakthrough if I ever heard one.

Lint? I thought they tasted more like wax someone waved near a chocolate flavored chip.

Exactly, because everyone knows that I go around to people's homes asking if they "have a moment to talk about the teachings of Laverne Cox."

Worst honest excuse I've ever given. "Sorry, I can't go to the party with you because I can't sit in a chair."

Easter, like 5 years ago. My sister had, until this point, refused to acknowledge me as her relative on FB. It didn't bother me too much but when she started using it to let everyone know about family gatherings, I got more than a little annoyed. How hard is it to add me then block me from seeing everything but group…

This isn't really dumb, but I was at my finest and sneakiest as a third grader when I would get this weird rash from the cold Winter air outside (idk, still happens, v odd) so I would go to the nurse for Benadryl after recess.

Benadryl has never made me sleepy, but since they knew that was a potential side-effect my…

this is one I actually used. I was five years old, playing with my cousins at my Babcia's house. She was making dinner and was a terrible cook. When she called us in for dinner, I told her I couldn't eat because I was sick. She asked what was wrong, and I told her it was prostate cancer.

"My hamster was scared."

My brother and his (then) wife were already in town for our wedding. They were staying in the same hotel as my parents and my sister and all the other wedding guests. Come the wedding, though, they were a no-show and had checked out of the hotel. Asked for an explanation, he said "I forgot where the wedding was taking…

I had a co-worker that would fake an asthma attack whenever he didn't want to work, this would happen about once a week. He also would refuse to dust any of the fixtures because of his asthma. One time he was in the (empty) break room and another employee walked by and heard him on the phone saying he was leaving…

I tried to call in "ugly"once. I told my boss I had a cold sore that went wild and my face look very, well, damaged and, as the front desk person, I thought I should stay home. He had me come in any way, took one at look at me, and conceded that, yes, maybe I could have the day off.

i miss being a teen and having the energy to experience strong emotions over shit that doesn't matter

Must have been rough when your husband was told "Thank you, but your wedding is held in another chapel!"

This is the best spam post I have ever seen. Amazing. Gold star for you.

No. On some planes the door is actually larger than the opening you go through. The cabin pressure is what makes it seal properly. On the planes where the door opens to the outside, when the locking mechanism is engaged, on pressurized it is effectively impossible to open. Those doors are not going anywhere once…