Weed butter isn’t on the list?

Personally I just wear sunglasses to bed.

Exposing yourself to sunlight immediately after a shower may be illegal in some jurisdictions, at least before putting clothes on. (if you have a really tall fence you may be okay)

Well i think the problem here is that you are taking handjob tips from a horse. How does that even work with the hooves!?

Alternate between folding his penis into an origami owl, and trying to drown it like a mangy kitten in a bowl full of melted chocolate. Once the penis is sufficiently owl-shaped and/or conditioned to be terrified of chocolate, play loud Sousa marching music at it while slapping it rhythmically with a fly swatter. If…

Panty scrunchies or GTFO.

Yesterday my fiancee bought new shorts from Old Navy. How could I have been so blind?!

.... I knew when he started wearing matching socks that it was all over between us.