As long as it’s a baby mouse I would probably eat that. Baby things are delicious. Baby cow, awesome. Baby pig, awesome. Baby corn, awesome.

One minute everyone is excited for dipping fresh strawberries and banana hunks. The next? Little Chadwick is in the ER with third degree chocolate burns on his nutsack.

I’m fucking dying over here. You should know, my wife and her friends had a Facebook thread the other day wondering when this post would be up. Merry…

As a millennial I can assure you this is not a meme.

You ain’t foolin’ nobody.

They’re yet another sign of Russia’s infiltration and perversion of American values.

Dear Ina,

“Firing up some bowls? I’m there!” — Laremy Tunsil

I see Drew has become a shill for BIG FOOTNOTE now

That’s quality dadding. Hat tip to you, sir.

I have an 8 year old that I routinely lock out of the router so she can’t watch shit-ass YouTube videos on her laptop.

“I can’t get to the Internet!”
“Yeah, I locked you out for being a dick.”
“Dad-DEEEE!”
“Eat shit, pumpkin. This is a House of Laws.”

I like college football BECAUSE it doesn’t end with everything wrapped in a pretty bow.

You run out of water too soon with a glass full of ice. Then you end up sucking the ice for water droplets, like you’re dying of thirst in the Sahara or in coach on an airplane.

He’s a thug.

Also, he’s white.

the charge generally relates to what evidence the prosecution has and can prove beyond a reasonable doubt, as well as what the state’s law requires to prove each element of murder. Generally, murder requires preconceived intent to cause great bodily harm.

Yea, when you cede the moral high ground to fucking ARAMARK, you might want to reassess your life.

Baseball is the only sport that actually looks like America.

A good example of not rushing to judgement would be refraining from shooting another person in a fit of road rage.

Then don’t fucking read it. No one cares whether you like a feature or not.

The 31-year-old Torontonian commemorated his recent vasectomy with a celebratory photo shoot. In one photo, he tenderly cradles a head of kale like a green, leafy infant.