Just one question about the American Idol reboot:

Earthquakes and volcanoes in the Pacific Northwest. Earthquakes in Alaska. The whole Ring of Fire business.

That is a recipe for an epic Norovirus outbreak that will kill little kids and the elderly.

No Doubt, it’s Gwen.

Now I’’m thinking of the famous letter writer from Kitchenette who shat pumpkin seeds all over an entire shower stall.

Hey, Christmas: Sorry I’m not home right now, I’m walking into Spiderwebs...

As interpreted by Red Pandas: “AND THEN IT JUST APPEARED!”

If you dropped a tray of fried chicken and Colt 45 and then said “Dang, I just had a BLACCIEDENT!!” THAT would be wrong. So don’t do that.

This girl is still a thing?

I read this as assholes filing for bankruptcy. Thought it was an article on how millennials have ruined pooping.

THE JOBS WILL BE REPLACED BY BOOTSTRAPS

Finally. This company has been horrible to the ozone layer.

Irish Twins

I still can’t tell if this “advice” column is supposed to be serious, or if there’s just some inside joke I’m not getting. This can’t be real advice, can it?

Whatevs, I totally WOULD Josh Duhamel. He’s from ND, so I’d be slummin’ it.

Yeah, they were always a head scratcher for me, too.

This is a solid use of “knows where his towel is,” but Seth Rogen (and most of the Amurican-speakin’ world) REALLY needs to think for a second about where that apostrophe goes in y’all. I know it doesn’t matter ... but imagine if I’d just said “I know it does’nt matter,” you’d think I was a GODDAMN IDIOT and you’d be…