Donny Two Scoops - I’m definitely stealing that for future use. It’s like the most pathetic mafia name ever.

this will either jar your memory or cause an aneurism...either way, sorry!

Hard fucking pass.

I remember the day when young women didn’t let their tampon strings hang out there for all to see... *clutches pearls*

Dylan (along with his twin brother Cole) are the results of a Disney/Monsanto joint project in developing the perfect “Children of the Corn...”

God, so true. Most of my facebook friends are like, my actual friends (or at least were at one point) and are generally pretty restrained but luckily the people who post absurd drama on facebook are the same people who don’t know/don’t care about privacy settings. Every once in a while a friend of a friend goes off…

He looks like the hippie you’re not supposed to follow to a second location.

So, the perfect man?

I don’t know who he is, but he looks like all three Hansons melded into one.

I bought some actual pet clippers at the pet store, so I can say I take my poodle to the groomers.

Much growth. Very brave. Wow.

Wow so brave

This man’s continued existence is proof that JFK was not killed by any government plot.

He’s not marrying me so I don’t see what I should be excited about.

You’ll notice the red (dress), white (skin), and blue (background) that signifies the French flag. France the country that gave us the baguette. Baguettes that get stale after a few hours. Hours, not theirs. They’re trying to steal our country.

Maybe the game of chicken has different rules in the U.K., like baseball and football do.

Mueller’s lawyer M. Gabriel McFarland asked Swift whether she was “critical” of her then bodyguard, Greg Dent, for not intervening. Swift responded, “No, I am critical of your client for sticking his hand under my skirt and grabbing my bare ass.”

You’re dead-on about the XO Jane disease, but I am pretty proud of the Jezebel commentariat this morning for being all “This is bullshit. Don’t be an insensitive asshole about the boner problem.”

Listen y’all, the most important advice on here is that if you craft you need that JoAnn’s app. The coupons are off the chain and I don’t buy anything full price at that bitch no mo’!