This is an attempted Banks robbery.

God used to do the best plagues. Locusts, blood, slaying of the first born. Just a hole now? No stamina! SAD!

The 7th or 8th year is the hardest, not the 1st. Sorry.

Ms. Lawrence has unusually exact bilateral symmetry. Also, whiskey nose.

Youre drunk. Go to bed.

Who else would shamefully bang Mr. Putin? I hate him because he’s him, but a side of me also would. While begging for world peace if that makes a difference.

If I saw that goddamned bear looking through my door I’d be making brownies too.

This is so fucking disgusting. I don’t know what I want more, for Trump to actually get locked up for his blatant crimes or for him to rage stroke out and end the suspense.

Seriously, why are religions so obsessed with women’s junk? I have a vagina and I swear I don’t spend half as much time thinking about it as these wackos do.

Ugh. Here, have some Justin Trudeau exercise pics as a palate cleanser.

That is pro golfer John Daly.

SHHHH! You fool! Cardio-vascular disease and COPD are going to do what the Democrats and Seal Team 6 can’t!

Pretty sure the rabbis just want to collect the used underwear of young women.

They almost always do harm people, though. Kids who are brainwashed into believing this crap. Women who are forced to be subservient to men (hello orthadox Judaism). Public education that is warped by a community’s religious beliefs. Homosexuals who are ostracized by their families.

I always use Joanna Rothkopf’s own KEDSUM 200PCS ADHESIVE CABLE CLIPS, WIRE CLIPS, CAR CABLE ORGANIZER, CABLE WIRE MANAGEMENT, DROP CABLE CLAMP WIRE CORD TIE HOLDER FOR CAR, OFFICE AND HOME to affix my feminist patches to my clothing. That makes me extra feminist.

Judge not Leste ye be judged.

A kid in my daughter’s high school was known for his giant equipment and was sitting next to her in a similar fashion last spring, dong resting on his thigh, khakis straining to contain the monstrous organ. She looked at it and hissed, “Jesus, rearrange that RIGHT NOW!!” Mortified, he complied with her directive.

The human body is a beautiful thing.

I know this to be true, because I was a cocktail waitress at Cardwell’s in St. Louis in the ‘90's when one Mr. Jon Hamm was a waiter there. Also, he has been in my kitchen (my roommate was the costume designer of a play he was in, and roomie threw the cast party at our apartment).