Sun, Moon, and Talia sounds like the reality show fairy tale.

I mean, how many of us wake up in midlife and suddenly have to accept that they’ve been not only been raped but birthed a few children.

They like jump out the water and slap against you coyly and you can just sit back and grab the ones you want but at some point you get sick of eating salmon, but you still take nibble out of each one anyway because there are starving bears in NorCal with no salmon at all.

People talk during the movie now - they seem to have forgotten that they are not in their living room at home. That drives me insane. They look at their phone, they kick the back of my seat, they munch and slurp their way through a gallon of soda and and a giant tub of foul smelling popcorn. They bring their kids who…

Plus other people. All around you. Ick.

Look at you. Pausing movies to go to a bathroom. La-de-frickin’-da.

People aren’t seeing movies because they’ve become too expensive. In NYC, I pay on average, $15.00 a ticket. More if it’s in 3d or RPX or whatever tacked on nonsense charge. It’s a minimum of $50.00 just to sit down with my wife and kid. I enjoy going to the movies, but many people don’t have the luxury of ponying up…

I think the only reasonable solution is some kind of no-holds-barred battle royale to the death with the trainers and staff. Just put all 11 orcas and all the people in the pool until only one person or whale is left, then they are king of Sea World.

*Actual size.

You can only shock so many White House staffers with a wierd, Eric Carle-like penis. Sometimes you just gotta get out there

Or as our esteemed former pres said, “there’s a saying in Tennessee—well, it’s a saying in Texas, probably Tennessee—fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, won’t get fooled again.”

Somebody’s lonely in the White House.

I really feel like it’d be inappropriate to consider a SCOTUS nominee in the middle of the campaign like this. We should really wait until the election and let the voice of the American people be heard.

Carlos Santana has spent the last 20+ years making tasteful, expensively produced, profoundly boring music for people who don’t really like music but enjoy shopping and wine. In Adele, he recognizes a kindred spirit.

That phrase reminds me of trying to watch an out of focus Skinimax/Spice channel in the 90's and still try to climax.

Was this a sort of sideways brag about the class of rotisserie chicken you have access to?

If that 3rd cover is an actual swimsuit, then the rotisserie chicken I bought earlier this week had the same one.

Christie Brinkley? I think you’re confusing her with Gayle Gergich

Guess it goes to prove the old saying “if you first don’t succeed at banning Muslins round up every Mexican in sight”.

You know what, as someone who gets money from the federal government to study neurodevelopment and autism... I’m just going to be quiet and let this one slide if it means he won’t defund us.