Easy for him to say. He won’t be the one going through the heartbreak of having a child with microcephaly.

“If I’m going to err, I’m going to err on the side of life,” he said.

I’m guessing he’s going to err on the side of life, but not err on the side of making sure women who are forced to have babies with birth defects are then provided with the medical and financial resources necessary to care for a child with life-long special needs.

This, exactly, is a big reason for why I want to tell her now. It might be better in the long run. She’s so isolated here. And she feels homesick so often. Home is not perfect for her but at least she’s got a much bigger network there and the social services are so much nicer - Especially for mothers and childcare. If…

Please, now. She needs time to process and heal. Sisters husband did same thing while she was in hospital giving birth to my niece. He never changed. Got worse. Bring a supportive group together. Have someone watch the baby. Have resources available. Woman’s counseling center, attorney, support group, financial…

I agree that she’s more mobile and able to seek help while pregnant than with a newborn. It’s not the same situation, but I had the misguided idea that it would be easier to move to a new house 6 weeks after my first child was born rather than 6 weeks before, because I would be “back to my old self”and it would be…

Haven’t read all the comments yet, but I just wanted to say, from reading a few....

Because of possible STIs, which could harm the baby too as already mentioned, she has to know. There’s no luxury of choice here.

Guys are such assholes. I hate to generalize, but geez. I was so happy that my Baby Pet was a girl because I have no idea how to raise a son not to be status quo.

I would first talk to your mutual friend; she/he may have input based on something none of us here know about. If the two of you decide to tell her, I would make a point to somehow tell her together. Since your friend is out of country try a video chat. You don’t want to approach her like you are attacking her, but…

Hi just a quick note about pregnancy-the postpartum hormonal shift is actually worse than being pregnant. If you tell her now she can get her shit together, leave the country, and have the baby surrounded by people who love her- if that's what she chooses. It is better for her to know for many reasons.

I’ve had to tell a very good friend who’s fiance just had their baby was cheating on him- I had solid proof not rumors. It was awful but in that situation, necessary.

Then you have to trust that she is doing well enough to keep herself and her baby safe. But keeping this secret WILL come back to bite you in the ass. And could really hurt her. She is going to need someone she can trust to have her back when she has a tiny baby. If her husband is trolling for ass, she deserves to…

Hmm. I might be in the extreme minority here, but I think telling her now would be better than waiting. You think she’s a mess of hormones now, but take postpartem hormones PLUS sleep deprivation PLUS physically recovering from birth and you have a woman who is a hot mess for quite a while once baby has arrived.…

It’s a form of, no it IS— brainwashing.... I hope she is okay.

Tell him that you know. Give him a timeline to tell her and if he fails to meet that deadline, let her know. Make him the responsible party. You give him an ultimatum and back it up if he fails. Be prepared to do so though, not some empty threat. Any friend of mine who would keep this from me wouldn’t be a friend a…

If she’s pregnant, they have no need to use birth control. He could give her and the baby an STD.

Think about it this way. If he is fucking around and not just desperate for attention (either way he’s an ass) and he gets say.......syphilis. And passes it to his wife. And they don’t STI screen her right before birth.....blind baby (pretty sure it’s syph that does that). So.....tell her in person, if you are…

I second movers.

Lucille Ball scares the shit out of me. I think it’s the really high eyebrows. I went to a fair share of open casket funerals in my childhood and the women always had the same brows. I cannot look at Ball and think anything other than scary, despite her incredible talent.