The greatest Funbag email of all time, IMO.

Awww, thanks!

Big box, little box, cardboard box

“The Cardinals Lost Their Seventh Game”

easy now

Fuckin’ A! The World Championship starts in 2 days!

Great article! Two comments:

*pushes glass up nose*

Where does Lundqvist rank among the handsomest young boys* in sport?

You gotta get an urn, and then find a beach or a dock or a boat, and then make sure it’s not too windy.

By the way, it’s fun to beat your kids in Marco Polo. I’ve had so many death-defying escapes, I want a highlight reel of them.

*deep breath*

With the greatest of respect to Deadspin’s finest, Woolley really missed an opportunity here by not making the trend line in the cover picture form a silhouette of a dumpy male body.

A better question is whether Pop and Esptein could turn around a shitty basketball team like the 76ers in a season or two. Although, now that I think about it (as a Sixers fan), there’s no way.

Yeah, I think the thing about consoling someone is that you feel the need to fix everything through your words, when in all reality that’s impossible. You’re with someone you care about, and they’re going through a shitty time. So you try to find some magical phrasing that will make them snap back into feeling 100%…

“only lightly stained”

Curt Schilling spelling “amatuer”: *kisses fingers*

That is so perfect because — and you guys all need to star this so it gets seen — Meatloaf played the Australian Football League Grand Final in 2011 (at the time we all thought it was as awful an idea as you all reading this do, fuck knows who in the league office thought that he was the man of the hour), and…

Bam!

I’ve always thought that soccer leagues with diving problems (all of them) need to institute a rule that says if you stay down under the pretense of being injured for so long that the referee has to halt play to come over and see whether you’re all right, you must leave the field for 5-10 minutes. Then we’ll see, by…