I remember hearing a friend tell a story about her little girl seeing a little boy naked for the first time and she got all flustered and asked “why does that boy have a chicken leg on his front butt?”

If you’re anything like me, you’re going to want a concise version of this fantastic recipe to type onto an index card and store in your favorite recipe box:

I have only had one perfect bowl of oatmeal in my life, and here is the recipe:

Step one: DON’T PUT IT IN THE MICROWAVE, YOU DRIVELING HEATHEN.

The money also has the denomination printed on it in braille, something I’m pretty sure other countries have as well.

Fat women’s bodies in plain sight are an affront to heterosexual men. Like, “How dare you not devote your life to making yourself sexually attractive to me? If you don’t make my dick hard, how dare you not be ashamed? You should at least have the decency to live like a hermit, and cover yourself up when you must be…

While I may not have the words to adequately describe the ineffable essence of a bay leaf, I can tell you about its absence. No bay leaf in a soup or stew translates to a final dish that is hollow, the tongue registering emptiness where a full-bodied gustatory experience was meant to be.

My mother puts bay leaves in all her bulk dry goods - flour, rice, dried beans because she says it prevents weevils. So now I do this as well. Have no idea if it is accurate, or bullshit, or if weevils are actually a problem in tupperware containers stored in air-conditioned pantries, but my mom did it, so I do it. I…

Because you didn’t have eleven sister-wives to help you?

I like to imagine she’s having tea down there with Margaret Thatcher.

Hell just got a whole lot classier.

6 Dozen Moms In Lifeless Marriages That Aren’t Divorced Yet Because When You Make A Commitment To God You Keep It And Besides It’s Better For The Kids’ Sake

I hope this doesn’t stay in the grays, because this is very relevant to my interests- in another state park in PA that I frequent, on the mountain bike trails, we have our own gnome settlement. If gnome evictions by the PA DCNR is going to become a trend, I fear for them

They have to entertain us SOMEHOW when we're old and decrepit.

Speaking as a similarly-honest mother of a now-18 year old, it does, a little. She was certainly having sex earlier than I’d have preferred. And sometimes she’s a little TOO honest with me; I reaaaallly don’t want a play-by-play of how her boyfriend was in bed.

Heh! I’ve always felt that perfumes should come with Serving Size on the label, like food. “Serving Size: LESS THAN HALF A FUCKING BOTTLE, YOU REEKING BASIC BITCH”.

I miss Lindy so hard.

Can Lindy West come back and review this?!