This is going to sound strange, even to my own ears, but I’ve been too distressed/depressed to drink this week.I have plenty of booze in the house, but it’s gone undrunk. Maybe drinking mass quantities of alcohol alone in bed is a little taboo even for my taste, because the fact that I’ve spent a lot of time that I…

I know I am not the only one who has spent the last 4 days blindingly drunk, but I actually called into work today just to specifically get crap housed again. I am a chef at a country club and I don’t know if I can make food for a bunch of Trump supporters anymore. I seriously don’t know if I can do it anymore.

The assholes that loudly mocked the idea of caring about anything suddenly care about political outcomes? What happened to both candidates being equally bad and nothing ever matters, guys? Congratulations, you assholes got your dearest wish, South Park. Hopefully Trump never sees a bad word from you about him that…

You’ve marched right on to the bargaining stage, then? I’m still grappling with denial.

Worse than 2000 by leaps and bounds.

Thank you for showing those shitbags at Deadspin how it’s done.

I voted for Clinton the Working Families ticket. Because, as this viral twete puts it,

Same. My mom’s neighbor called last week basically to say, “all she wants to do is lay in bed and eat doritos.” and I’m like, “okay, so I will bring her more doritos. It’s fine.”

Sarandon’s self-perception of her own ethical purity trumps, in a very real and pun intended way, the physical and emotional safety of millions of other people.

It’s like watching a Nazi smoke a cigarette.

Yeah, describing people as being a particular celebrity’s “type” isn’t terribly helpful. (“Looking for women that would remind Paul Giamatti of his college girlfriend, but in a pleasantly melancholic way (because of how that relationship started), not a bitter way (because of how it ended). Some nudity required.”)

It is super telling about every single one of your privileges that you brush off his dangerous racism, misogyny, ableism, Islamophobia, xenophobia, love for murderous tyrants, and ignorance with a mere “...worse for some people, but calm your little heads”. Seriously? Get stuffed.

So, just so we are clear here is a quick summary of Tammy Duckworth’s life:

My former friend Cindy (and she’s former because of what you’re about to read) planned her whole life around getting married. That was her raisin d’être. 😁

Remember how many of us were like, “I hope Obama doesn’t get assassinated during his inaugeration.” Well, I wish I could say I am not thinking the same about Clinton. 

How is this patronizing?

Guys, my (Latino) husband doesn’t know it yet because he’s not home, but our couples Halloween costume is now Nasty Woman and Bad Hombre, this nightmare election is finally giving me something useful.

We are so grateful in the UK that you knocked Brexit to the “And finally...” section of the 2016 history books.

And now, your Friday feels: