Patti is over here just trying to make pies for Walmart and now Fox is trying to say she’s dead. Rude.

This is the kind of shit we used to hear on mob informants wire tapes. They purposefully talk like this. They think that if they speak in this manner, they are protected under the guise of “plausible deniability” on the chance that someone turns out to be secretly recording them.

It’s a dead giveaway to me that they’re…

Yeah I’ll give her that and only that. 

Clearly, if you come on board the campaign, like, we can’t have, we got to,”

This hits home for me, I was raised by single mother and most of my clothes came from goodwill, we had to wear things more than once so save on detergent. I was called trashcan kid and many other things, this would have saved me so much heartache. This man is doing real work helping change lives. 

Dignity and self respect are just as important algebra and history. They are commodities that are priceless. 

Man, I wish my HS principle had looked (and acted) like that dude. Don’t get me wrong, the guy seemed nice enough, but everything about Principal Akbar Cook seems like a definite upgrade, including his amazing name. 

I KNOW! And if he ate actual bees I hate him anyway (which we know don’t bite - or even continue to live if they sting you). Poor bees. 

“the bees kept biting him”

He could have survived without eating the damn bees. 

“Brooklynites are smashing their Edison bulbs in frustration and writing songs for their ukeleles to draw attention to this tragic shortage.

Last I checked mayonnaise was very on trend these days. And millenials were bad and wrong because we invented the artisanal mayonnaise boutique about 10 years back.

This. This. ALL DAY, THIS.

Right, very much like with Marissa Alexander, and that case is just a stew of “would have, should have, everybody damn said”.

I like my steak done medium but I’ve often been at the table with the competing “just pass the steak by the oven on the way out of the kitchen” assholes (my brother, the chef, included). Congratulations on being SO EXTREME and MASCULINE that you eat meat RAW, but the rest of us would like some flavor in our food,…

A chef is not a bridge engineer. If you disagree with them (aside from issues of basic food safety), no one will die. Now, if you order a well done steak then complain that the steak is bad because of properties it gained due to being well done in the first place, then you’re a jerk.

I’m thinking his closet more likely contains a fastidiously curated collection of hair that he’s unknowingly collected from various women.

Whenever some old person says, “my grandparents came here legally”

My father in law proudly displays his grandfather’s citizenship certificate. My father in law wants to “build that wall.” Anyhow, his grandfather came here from Austria in 1905. No, wait. He actually came from Italy as the part of Yugoslavia he was from was part of Italy. There were quotas so he lied to not get turned…

Didn’t take long to find the worst take ever.